Contentment

What is real contentment? Paul talks about being content where and with what you have but what does that mean? Does it just mean accepting that things as they come? Does it mean being happy with everything and hopeing nothing ever changes? Does it mean resigning yourself to whatever comes your way like a silly sheep? I have pondered these things over and over throughout the past years and only recently can I admit that I am really coming to understand it personally for me.
I have always thought I was generally content being single and generally content not having children, except of course for those times when I would have bad case of baby envy or a pity party after attending another wedding. Now as I look back I wasn't really content nor did I really understand it because I was living in the present but I was still sometimes looking around the corner thinking I might get what I want sometime soon.

In the past several months my outlook has really changed and I am no longer looking around the corner. I am really living for today, really looking for ways to be the best I can be just as I am. I have come to be very content, very happy with being single. I have been brought to see now how much of a blessing it is to be single, that it is not good or bad to be single, as one book put it, it's just different. In the past I had sometimes fallen into the trap of looking at things and thinking, "Oh I couldn't do that because I am not married." "I guess I am not married because I must still have things to learn." etc, etc. Now I realize more fully than ever that somepeople need to be married because they have things to learn that they couldn't learn on their own, marriage is not some reward for learning everything, and further more there are a whole ton of things that I wouldn't be able to do in service for others right now in my life were I married or even in a serious relationship. It's not bad, it's just different and you can be used in different ways! How liberating to really believe this realization has been for me!

This really came home to me recently when I had the opportunity to spend some time with a very dear friend and her new (3mo/o) baby daughter. I was a little nervous about seeing her because I thought, "Ok so I have come around about the whole single issue but how is it going to be when faced with a baby?" I really loved every minute our visit but I tried to look at the whole situation of motherhood with the same eyes as marriage and very pleasently I realized the same principles applied. I loved that baby, my friend is a wonderful mother and I am thrilled for her and her husband but I came away from the visit perfectly content that I do not have "one of those". Babies are wonerful, they teach us lots about ourselves, motherhood is a very sacred calling but is does take up all your time, it makes you unable to do certain things and unless the Lord calls you to it it has the potential of being much more of a curse than a blessing because of it's all consuming nature.

Just because I am content now does not mean that I do not hope to get married someday or that have I given up on my dream of adopting children someday. It simply means that I can thank the Lord for each day that I have as a single woman because it means that I am much freer to be used in certain ways for Him. Someday should I be married that will be a different experience and at that point I can be thankful for those opportunities then. I can't gareuntee that I won't ever feel a little twing at weddings, that my biological clock won't ever sound loud in my ears or that I won't somehow feel "behind" all my married friends but I can say that with God's help and patience I will be able to see beyond those human feelings and remain thankful and content with my station in His plan whatever it is at the moment.

I don't believe that contentment involves just accepting things as they come. It doesn't mean resigning yourself to circumstances nor does it mean getting happy in a nice little rut. Now I really believe that it means understanding and being willing to work with God no matter where you find yourself. Truelly seeing that He has your best interesting in mind and doing your best to fulfill His purpose for you right where you are until the next assignment in life comes along. So that is my challenge! Even if I don't always "feel" it I am striving to be content just as I am until the page on this chapter of my life is turned.